<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>if night falls in your heart (i'd light the fire) by thinkbucket</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051014">if night falls in your heart (i'd light the fire)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkbucket/pseuds/thinkbucket'>thinkbucket</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>can't let go when you still need saving [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Battle of Sodden Hill, F/F, Tissaia's POV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:48:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051014</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkbucket/pseuds/thinkbucket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If she is to die, what better way really?</p><p>“You’re alive.”</p><p>Yennefer.</p><p>*</p><p>tissaia pov, companion piece to "we burn tonight"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>can't let go when you still need saving [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if night falls in your heart (i'd light the fire)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i tried to start this in march lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pain.</p><p> </p><p>All that Tissaia de Vries can feel is <em> pain</em>.</p><p> </p><p>It’s excruciating, her chest burns, scorching with every feeble breath she draws in. The dimeritium lingers in her throat and lungs, and no matter how much she focuses, she can’t get more than a wisp of chaos to obey her. </p><p> </p><p>She has no control. </p><p> </p><p>They are losing. She has led these mages, loyal, hopeful, and trusting, to their deaths. So many once students of her own, following her to their demise.</p><p> </p><p>Was this all a mistake? Would they have been better off letting Nilfgaard carry on unchecked? Would more of them, more of her students, more of her colleagues and friends, have at least survived? Would that have been a better fate than fighting a futile battle? Their deaths will have no impact on the consuming rage of Nilfgaard.</p><p> </p><p>Was there any point to all of this?</p><p> </p><p>She has given her best, for centuries she has given nothing but her best, sometimes misguided, sometimes wrong, but always, only, ever what she believed to be right. </p><p> </p><p>But where does that get her in the end? </p><p> </p><p>She has so many regrets.</p><p> </p><p>She stands atop a hill, not able to un-hear the sounds of battle, listening to the final cries of mages she has known for centuries, knowing <em> exactly </em> whose voice that dying scream belongs to, a sorceress she had taught, had brought to Aretuza as a child, had trained, had asked to follow her here, only to witness her final moments.</p><p> </p><p>There is one sole benefit in being so disconnected from chaos — she does not have to feel as their lives are eliminated, does not feel the loss in her very being. The ripples in chaos that so regularly used to surround her, they are there, but only just.</p><p> </p><p>If only she had been quicker, if she had been able to strike before Fringilla’s attack. She’d not wanted to have to kill the girl she’d taught all those decades ago, she had only wanted to offer her one more chance to turn away from the foolishness she’s bought into. But the younger mage had proven to be faster; before Tissaia could act, Fringilla caught her off guard. </p><p> </p><p>She had intentionally blocked her connection to Yennefer, knowing the woman would not approve of her plans. But now she was nearly severed. </p><p> </p><p>It’s what she gets, she supposes. All the mistakes she’s made have finally come full circle, her foolish arrogance, her failures in preparation, her shortcomings in not knowing how best to train her pupils for what lay ahead, in not being able to predict any of this. Had she humbled herself even a little in her teachings all those years ago, and not only when she saw how students like Fringilla, like Philippa, like Yennefer responded, would things have played out better? She doesn’t know. She probably never will.</p><p> </p><p>But now, she gets to stand on a hill. The perfect vantage point for only the <em> beginning </em> of the destruction of everything she has spent her long life building. </p><p> </p><p>If she is to die, what better way really?</p><p> </p><p>“You’re alive.”</p><p> </p><p>That voice. </p><p> </p><p><em>Yennefer</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Her first thought is that, no, <em> no</em>, Yennefer cannot see her like this, at her end. Not now, when she’s at her weakest, completely powerless, struggling just to even breathe. But she pushes away her pride, little good it has done her all these years. </p><p> </p><p>Yennefer is alive. And she has hope.</p><p> </p><p>“Yennefer,” she can only breathe out, and the younger woman limps closer, saying something as Tissaia draws in yet another painful wheezing breath. It’s as if with the woman’s very presence, Tissaia’s turmoil that has been raging nonstop can finally be at peace. </p><p> </p><p>She’s never been afraid of death, it comes to everyone inevitably. And while she may never forgive herself for all the mistakes she has made, Yennefer is here. Simply the fact that she came because Tissaia <em> asked</em>, fully acknowledging the dangers that lay ahead, knowing that this could very well be their end, and yet she came anyway…</p><p> </p><p>There’s a pang of guilt that Tissaia has brought her to this place. But a selfish part that is glad, relieved that if she has to die, one of the last people she gets to see is this brilliant, beautiful, powerful young woman.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No,” Yennefer is saying, and she’s trying to encourage her, telling her that there’s hope. And she knows it, she does, she does. As long as Yennefer is alright, there is hope. </p><p> </p><p>But. <em> Tissaia </em> can’t. She can’t do anything. She’s powerless now, and she’s brought Yennefer all the way here, only to let her down. Somehow, despite her weakened state, her connection to chaos that links them holding on by a mere thread, Yennefer heard her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“You. You saved me. I won’t ever forget that.”</p><p> </p><p>Those words flood her with warmth. “It's your turn to save these people. This continent. This is your legacy.”</p><p> </p><p>“How? I can’t.” The despair that fills the young woman’s voice nearly crushes her. </p><p> </p><p>This silly, foolish mage, constantly underestimating her own potential, always seeking after greater power and never realizing that she has had everything she wanted, needed. Within.</p><p> </p><p>“You can!” And she knows it. Believes, with every shred of conviction she has left, she knows that this woman can save them. She can save the Continent. “Everything you have ever felt, everything you’ve buried,” she brings her hand up to Yennefer’s bloodied face, brushes her hair back, cups her cheek. “Forget the bottle.” </p><p> </p><p>She accepts it. That this is the end for her, but it’s only the beginning for Yennefer.</p><p> </p><p>“Let your chaos explode.” </p><p> </p><p>She strokes her face, soft, gentle, as she’s wanted since Rinde, but has never allowed herself. It would not have been welcome. It was not the time. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You are so precious to me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>So Tissaia tries to pour out everything to Yennefer, from her hands, her heart. Everything she couldn’t give her before. Everything she has left. </p><p> </p><p>And she watches her rise. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>